This is a story of a pati (n. husband, in Hindi), a patni (n. wife, in Hindi) and woh (pron. he/she, here in reference to Patni Computers, the company I led the acquisition of) or pati patni aur woh.
As with most of my other posts, this will be better appreciated by married ‘men’, because it oozes of pain, suffering, and the occasional delusion of happiness. Though to be politically correct, let us just say it would be better understood by married people in general (btw who coined this phrase ‘politically correct’? There is nothing ‘correct’ about ‘politics’!).
I have been married (yes, needlessly!) for about eleven years now. Thank you thank you, for your sym-pathies with this pati. We have been successful so far because we are ‘happily incompatible’. I realized early on that in marriage I can either be happy or right, and I chose to be happy.
It would be a gross understatement if I said marriage changed my life. Before marriage, my hobbies were reading books and playing sports. Now they include shopping, eating out, and meeting social commitments I don’t remember agreeing to. But interestingly marriage did help my career, as I started spending more time at work. And those thinking that I did it to stay away from home are reading too much between the lines (though not wrong)!
Then calamity struck twice. A year ago, I acquired another patni. And this time around too I missed getting a trophy wife! I felt like the person who lost everything in Gujarat earthquake and set up a new ecosystem in Velankanni and the got hit by Tsunami. As they say, marriage is like the army – everyone complains, but you would be surprised how many re-enlist. I was getting used to the (so inappropriately called and imaginary) ‘marital bliss’ when marriage hit me again. Hard. Without notice. Though to be fair, disasters never send a calendar invite. But people who have seen me can understand that there is only so much that my fragile body can take.
It is said that bigamy is when a man tries to serve two masters. Earlier, I had to consider the whims and fancies of one, now I have to consider whims and fancies of two. Double the drama and double the damage. I was not even able to provide time and attention to one patni (intentionally, you might say, but I will publically refute) and now imagine the stress on me with two.
One would cry for attention exactly when the other does. Needless to say, both would also ignore me at the same time. Nowadays I spend three days a week with the new patni and the rest with old patni. It also does not help matters that they are in two different cities – new one in Mumbai and old one in Bangalore.
Normally when you’re with one woman, you don’t talk to her about your other women (atleast I don’t). It’s too much information and it doesn’t help your cause. It’s basic survival instinct. Unfortunately, in my case both the patnis know about each other and fight over each other. I feel like Truffaldino in The Servant of Two Masters, except I don’t even get a script or applause. As if it is not enough trouble, the penalty for bigamy is having two mothers-in-law. Despite that, I try to convince each patni that she is the only trouble, sorry pebble, on my beach.
Lately, I have started to envy A Raja and Suresh Kalmadi for the peaceful time they are spending in Tiharjail. What solitude they must be enjoying. No arguments, no “you never listen,” no weekend plans. Just cricket, Olympics, and peace. I am sure they might not have applied for bail despite having just one patni. Maybe I should quickly try to get into a scam and get arrested.
No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other; or else he will be devoted to one and despise the other. Matthew 6:24
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PS : This blog was written back in January 2012 but somehow never got published.
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